more words about you

I told you to leave
because I knew
I deserved better than
what you did to me
what you were doing to me

it hurt when you walked away
and I realized
you were not as upset as me
you could never be as upset as me

I wonder what pieces of me
you took with you
when you left

parts of my heart
now left with all these deep holes
most of my trust
all of my innocence
and hope

good thing though
you can grow back most of those things

I am gold

I will see my value
I will not allow
anyone
to make me feel anything less than
my worth
because I am gold
I am diamonds
I am everything
and so much more

the witch

they can’t see my fire
but I can feel it burning
and growing
I can feel its warmth
hot flames sparking
the witch
inside me

warrior

she gets set back
sometimes
but it’s okay

she gets tired
sometimes
but it’s okay

she makes mistakes
and has regrets
but it’s okay

underneath the
self-doubt and
overthinking
she is still strong
she can overcome

but for tonight
tonight
she will just rest

a buzz and a bing

a little hi
a quick how are you
an easy hey
a fast what’s up
effortless
and simple
enough to show an interest

more to share
but I’m holding back
slow down
don’t move too fast
don’t be
needy
clingy
crazy
just be
present

attached

sometimes I still feel tied to you
anchored
weighted down by
grief
loss
heartbreak
betrayal

were you never who I thought you were?
was I never what I thought I was?

one foot out
one foot in
done but still dealing with
still working on
everything that went wrong

Sometimes it feels like I am waiting to see your face on my phone, so I can argue with myself about whether to swipe left or right.

I feel like a piece of me is missing again. After losing what I thought was supposed to be my life, I found and rediscovered parts of me I never realized I had lost. And still. In this very moment, I feel empty. There is a space inside me with nothing in it. There is a hole, a void. I don’t think it is another person that is missing. It’s something of me. I wonder if I have been giving up little pieces of my soul this entire time. I am confused about what I want, about what I need. I don’t know what it is that’s missing. Is it connection? Is it validation? Is it love? I think I need all of those things–from myself.

your face

it’s easier now to see your face
just a memory
of what used to be
now slowly fading over time

i used to know the person
behind those eyes
or at least i thought i did
i don’t think that person
ever truly existed

one day
maybe one day
there will be a new face
one to trust
one to love
a face that didn’t break my heart
a face that didn’t betray me
one that will show me
i can still feel that way again