thank you, next

even strong women
sometimes need
the wrong men
to learn things from
sometimes the best way
to know what you need
is by discovering the things
you thought you wanted
but really didn’t

the weight

I have lost 35 pounds
but I still feel heavy
the tag reads two sizes smaller
but in the mirror I still see
the same fat girl
but I’m alone now
carrying all this weight
of my body
of my choices
of everything really

I have lost 35 pounds
but it feels like I’m carrying around
so much more

my suns (sons)

holding your little hands in mine
seeing your smiles
hearing your laughs
my face is in your faces
pieces of me
make up pieces of you
you both are my heart
and my life
and my light
my boys until


I can feel the fire
the flame deep inside
I can see the light
it’s brighter than its ever been before
I am the witch
I am the goddess
and all I want to do is laugh
and smile
because I know now
the universe is guiding me
and teaching me
and the things I thought I needed
are clearly not the things I need

fake men

I will not chase you or anyone else. You will not use me. I see right through your two-faced bullshit. Quit pretending to be someone and something else.

it’s hard to silence 18 years

I still get mad sometimes. The one-sided conversations (you remember, the ones you said were attacks) pop up in my mind and get me raging all over again. Just because I’m upset, it doesn’t mean I want you back. I don’t need you or miss you, but I still grieve. I mourn for the life I’d made up in head. I mourn for the man who doesn’t exist. Sometimes I still want things that aren’t real.


I may not be yours
and you might not
be mine
but I still feel comfort
in holding your hand
and laughing with you
and drinking with you
and talking with you
maybe it’s not what I imagined it to be
but you and me
the things you showed me
and taught me
the way you brought the smile
and the light
back into my life
you are and always will be
part of me