Lost Again

Ever since I got back from Knott’s with the boys I have been mentally and emotionally all over the place. I missed several days of my medication on vacation. I forgot to take them. I quickly got back on schedule, but still, I feel completely all out of sorts. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I feel overly emotionally and mentally all over the place.

On Thursday, the boys and I went to the animal shelter and adopted a dog. I last through the weekend. I feel incredibly guilty and like a fucking shitty ass mom. It’s been three years since I had my dachshunds. The boys are older. I thought I was in a good place. Then, over the weekend, while the boys were with their dad, I was a giant ball of anxiety. I cried and cried. I felt like I had made this huge mistake. Monday, even though he was a great dog, I returned him to the shelter. The boys are mad at me, as they should be. But what could I do? I am so angry with myself.

I am not quite right at the moment and I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. And sad. And guilty. And disappointed.