Month: June 2019

I see your kindness
your empathy
your undeserving patience

I am grateful

I am afraid
I am upset
because my mind has overthought
every
fucking
thing

regrets
over-analyzing
why?

why?

WHY?

another betrayal
but this one you saw coming
still the same lies and bull shit
but from a different angle
how can a person treat another this way?
how can a person control another
all the while living a secret
double life?

you will feel trust again
you will feel love again
I promise myself this

in the beginning
everyone is there for your pain
but at some point
you start to look okay
and they move on with their lives
as they should
it’s been so long
why wouldn’t they?
but then you’re relapsing
and the hurt is back
and this time
you feel a lot more alone

I still don’t understand how you could lie until the very end and why it was so easy for you to walk away.

drink this wine
taste it on my lips

sing with me
laugh with me
dance with me

take my hand
your fingers through my hair
heavied breathing
skin to skin

can we do it all again?

how exquisite
when a man sees you
and hears you
and lets you be

you invaded my dreams again
a fantasy world where
we would actually fight and
you would say something
anything

it could be this awful month
stirring up the embers
reigniting the flame

10
our wedding
14
our anniversary
24
day my world was set aflame
26 and 27
night everything burned to the ground

and now
nearly a year later
I am still sweeping up ashes
still trying to clean up the mess you made
while you still fuck with my mind
without even trying