I hope he doesn’t

girl, I know that pain
I’ve heard the lies
I’ve seen history rewritten
I’ve felt that heart-pounding
when you learn
the person you trusted
the person you loved
threw away 18 years


girl, I know that pain
you know that pain
I hope he doesn’t do to you
what he did to me
what yours did to you

from one chump to another

The reason I am reaching out is because I wanted to make sure you were aware of why he and I got divorced. I don’t know what he has told you about our relationship and marriage. In hindsight, I know now that we were and are not right for each other. We are too different. Unfortunately, we didn’t separate because of that realization. We separated because of his infidelity and lack of communication afterwards. He carried on a three month affair with a coworker. I basically had to rip that information out of him. I tried to reconcile with him but he always refused to talk to me and basically said I was just attacking him all the time. Eventually it became clear to me that he was no longer in love with me and did not want to work things out. So, I made him leave. Even though I still loved him, I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want me.

In reality, his relationships are no longer any of my business. As long as the boys are happy and being treated well by his partner, that’s what matters. However, I saw that you’ve just been cheated on. I know that pain and betrayal well. I wouldn’t wish it on anyway. It really fucks you up. It is my hope that he told you what he did to me in our marriage. If he did, that is really great. It means maybe he has grown and has learned from his previous mistakes. However, if you poured your heart out to him about your ex and the things he did to you, and he not once mentioned his own unfaithfulness…it just seems wrong.

I really want you both to work out. Despite all the shit he and I have been through, I do want him to be happy. I would just ask him myself if he told you about what happened to us, but the truth I is don’t trust him at all and I don’t think I ever will again. But, you are not me. He hasn’t betrayed you and I hope he has learned from the past and is open and honest about his life and mistakes.

Fat & Beautiful

My sweet boy is always telling me I am so beautiful and that he loves me. He always compliments pretty dresses and manicures. For class one day he was drawing a picture of me. He drew a big round body and says “because I’m fat.” When I separated from my ex-husband, I lost a good 40 pounds. Then came the pandemic, quarantine, and work from home. I’ve gained over half of the weight I lost back. I’ve been feeling upset about it and worried that my new partner would suddenly find me disgusting. But it occurred to me that my son still kept calling me beautiful even with the extra weight. The words to him weren’t mutually exclusive. Yes, I may be fat at the moment, but it doesn’t mean I’m not pretty, beautiful, or worthy of love.