a girl who writes

blood alone does not make you family
we may be related but
I don’t owe you anything
it is not a child’s responsibility
to maintain a relationship with their mother
it is a mother’s duty not to abandon her children

I built a wall around my heart
to protect it from you
and anyone like you
I will not allow myself to be betrayed
or taken for granted
ever again

drink this wine
the alcohol fading your inhibitions
take his hands
put them all over your body
close your eyes
feel every touch shoot lightning
from your head
to your toes
let him see you
let him know you
let him

every inch of your body
every sweet curve
each and every moan
the mess of your hair
your fingers grasping at the pillow
and the sheets
woman,
you
are
exquisite

I talk about the past often.
I refuse not to acknowledge all the things
I have been through and experienced.
For without every hurt and every joy,
I would not be the woman
who stands before you today.

I remember the girl I was
I remember the girl I became
I love the woman I am
I see where she is going

I drink too much diet soda
the baristas at Starbucks probably know my name
I eat out way more than I should
my credit cards have too much debt
my IRA has too little money
I overthink and overshare
talking to strangers tires me
not enough alone time drains me
my favorite words are fuck and shit
I drive too fast

…and so on.

but also,

my bills are paid on time
I bought a house and made it my home
my boys come first, despite the betrayal
I am loyal, and loving, and forgiving
I have life insurance and a trust
I may have debt, but I have a plan
my family consists of blood and adopted friends

I am not perfect,
but the Goddess in me shines every day.

lying in the dark
your skin pressed against mine
I could spend all night
doing nothing but holding you close
and quietly talking
exploring every inch of your body
yearning to know you better
than anybody else

I could spend all night
doing nothing with you
and it would feel like
everything

you make me feel wanted
loved
and secure

your touch brings me comfort
your voice gives me strength

I am grateful for your patience
desire
and honesty

let me make you feel
like no one ever has before

he sees right through to the very depths
of my heart
and my soul

he lifts me up
encourages more
hears what I say
reads what I write
then tells me

you.
are.
amazing.