a girl who writes

I love looking at your face
studying the lines and the curves
while you try not to laugh

trying to contain your feelings
not getting ahead of yourself
he doesn’t know you and
you don’t know him
but there’s something wonderful
in the reminder that maybe
just maybe
your heart isn’t as hard
as you’d thought it was

is this what brings it back?
you make up stories
in your mind
from one unbearable feeling
to another
what if?
fuck.
but, girl, you knew this was coming

i run my fingers across his chest,
we lie there nearly bare
wearing only each other and
our love

i see the way he looks at me,
i am a goddess
a princess
an enchanting mermaid in the deep-
i am what the men want,
i, am what he
wants

we flirt strategically
like this is a game we have become
professionals
at playing,
i say what i know excites him
he says what he knows will drive me

we kiss and tongue,
making love
until our steady pulsing
[pulse, pulse, pulsing]
makes the sweat
upon his brow
thicken and
he lets himself give in,
his body shuddering
and buttocks tightening,
our fingers tightly
interlocking

and sigh,

we lie there nearly bare
wearing only each other and
a smile

—Septemer 24, 2002

I hope you’re happy
that you feel lighter and freer
it only cost you me

darling, you shine
don’t second guess yourself
a man would be a fool
not to see your worth

strip down
bare down
the deepest parts of me
the most vulnerable
tongues twirling
tired and sweating
the most sensitive
your fingers wrapped around mine
my head on your shoulder
oh, my.
oh.
my.

not true love
not soul mates
I don’t believe in things like that anymore
but maybe one day someone
will see me and love me
and I will feel like all of this
was worth it

sometimes the words just don’t come
sometimes what does is a little bit of peace

to not really have a mother
but still become an amazing mother
these two boys
will never know and never feel
what I do and did