a girl who writes

I want you to be happy
I want you to be able to smile
when you are by yourself
I want you to feel and know that you are
worthy
enough
kind
strong
I hope you feel that
I hope you know that

I could not live up to
any of their expectations
I tore myself down
exhausted all my strength
I gave up pieces of me
stepped out of my bubble
but what did I get in return?
I got to feel crazy
jealous
shamed
why?
why?

why?

hey girl
you are doing just fine and
you are gonna be all right

hey love
hey hot stuff
hey sunflower
the different men who come
into your life
the different lessons
you are supposed to learn
in the end
you’ll grow
and change
but hopefully
for the better

grande Starbucks
cat-eye glasses
poetry book
pink joggers
flip flops
gold glitter nails
“like a boss” shirt

sweet boys
I will be your light
and your guide
I will show you the love of a mother
I never truly had
I will protect you and
teach you
two halves of my heart

my heart bled out inside me
yet I found a way to survive

my heart
soft, smooth, and giving
turned sharp, bitter, and rough

my heart
broken and smashed
still found a way to heal

my heart
mine
me

there is no shame here
take your judgments and
fuck right off
I made my choices
as you did yours
I will not be responsible
or burdened
for what you feel
or what you think
your truth is not my truth
I am not them and
they are not me

it’s hard when we let the past
affect our present
and our future
to move passed our insecurities
and frustrations
to not let ego
and misunderstandings
get in our own way
it is so easy to lose the path
but there must be a way
forward