I am drowning
in feelings of inadequacy
why am I never fucking enough?
I am lost
in a thick layer of distrust
I cannot see where I am going
constantly hitting
dead ends and
rocky roads that lead nowhere
I am tired and
I am drowning

I want to drink wine and
talk until 1am
I want to hear every story and
tell every one of mine
I want to know the little details
of each and every day and
share mine in return
I need someone to know me
really, really know me
the new me and
the old me

I sometimes worry that maybe nobody will ever know me quite so deeply again.


There it was. Right there on the phone screen. πŸ”₯ My heart dropped into my stomach. Why was I here again? How did I miss the signs? What is wrong with me? While I was trying to gather the right words to say, your friend comes up and grabs the phone. β€œIs that not your phone?” A moment of relief. But a stark reminder of the past. A pain that still often haunts me.


unzip my dress
undress me slowly
I want your lips
all over
my body
your fingers caressing
my skin
so slowly
your tongue
with mine
you take me
so deep
I love the way you feel
inside me

my words get lost sometimes
I try to be still to hear them
but things in my mind are too
fuzzy right now
too loud

distracted by other’s bull shit
running around solving other’s problems

what do I need?
what do I want?

I still can’t find my words

your arms wrapped around me
a kiss to the top of my head
boy, you make my heart feel full