After decades of moving, I think I may have finally found home.

constant consumption of sex
bodies, skin, legs, breasts, asses
thin frames
perfectly made up
faces and hair
posed and filtered
poking at my every fucking
insecurity
until it’s practically
screaming
in my mind
you
will never
look
like this

I am drowning
in feelings of inadequacy
why am I never fucking enough?
I am lost
in a thick layer of distrust
I cannot see where I am going
constantly hitting
dead ends and
rocky roads that lead nowhere
I am tired and
numb
I am drowning

I want to drink wine and
talk until 1am
I want to hear every story and
tell every one of mine
I want to know the little details
of each and every day and
share mine in return
I need someone to know me
really, really know me
the new me and
the old me

I sometimes worry that maybe nobody will ever know me quite so deeply again.

πŸ”₯

There it was. Right there on the phone screen. πŸ”₯ My heart dropped into my stomach. Why was I here again? How did I miss the signs? What is wrong with me? While I was trying to gather the right words to say, your friend comes up and grabs the phone. β€œIs that not your phone?” A moment of relief. But a stark reminder of the past. A pain that still often haunts me.

please

unzip my dress
undress me slowly
I want your lips
all over
my body
your fingers caressing
my skin
so slowly
your tongue
dancing
with mine
you take me
deep
so deep
I love the way you feel
inside me
all
over
me