a girl who writes

I drink too much diet soda
the baristas at Starbucks probably know my name
I eat out way more than I should
my credit cards have too much debt
my IRA has too little money
I overthink and overshare
talking to strangers tires me
not enough alone time drains me
my favorite words are fuck and shit
I drive too fast

…and so on.

but also,

my bills are paid on time
I bought a house and made it my home
my boys come first, despite the betrayal
I am loyal, and loving, and forgiving
I have life insurance and a trust
I may have debt, but I have a plan
my family consists of blood and adopted friends

I am not perfect,
but the Goddess in me shines every day.

lying in the dark
your skin pressed against mine
I could spend all night
doing nothing but holding you close
and quietly talking
exploring every inch of your body
yearning to know you better
than anybody else

I could spend all night
doing nothing with you
and it would feel like
everything

you make me feel wanted
loved
and secure

your touch brings me comfort
your voice gives me strength

I am grateful for your patience
desire
and honesty

let me make you feel
like no one ever has before

he sees right through to the very depths
of my heart
and my soul

he lifts me up
encourages more
hears what I say
reads what I write
then tells me

you.
are.
amazing.

I gave you everything
when you should have been the one
to lay it all down for me
I paved the road for your ease
waited for any little sign
I could mistake for change

but I wised up

where did that strength come from?
this new path I created for myself
from your ruins
I never wavered
I never faltered
I persisted on
and on
and on

because it’s the bigger picture
short-term suffering
or long-term suffering

I chose a lifetime of real love
self-love

when it slips off your tongue
it shoots lightning through my body
makes my knees go weak
and my heart race

please,
will you say it once more?

hand running down my back
fingers brushing the hair out of my face
a kiss on the top of my head
legs entwined
just the sound of our breathing