a girl who writes

it’s hard when we let the past
affect our present
and our future
to move passed our insecurities
and frustrations
to not let ego
and misunderstandings
get in our own way
it is so easy to lose the path
but there must be a way
forward

my heart is numb
my mind is tired
just tell me
straight to my face
what is it you want?

when I told him I couldn’t do it
he said he felt it coming
and that he understood
he has seen the face of a liar
knows the pain of their knife in your back
he has danced the “pick me” dance
and had to start his life over again

our romance moved so fast
I didn’t have to explain
we took some time apart
and we didn’t play these games

maybe one has to have been there
and experienced it for themselves
maybe after your life gets fucked up like that
only someone who’s been fucked too
can ever truly understand

I have been lied to
betrayed
ghosted
used
fucked
over and over
shamed
misunderstood
judged
taken
for granted

by the very same men who
respect me
love me
understand me
admire me

all these dicks who
manipulate me
gaslight me
betray me
use me

I know now what you are doing
fucking try me now

the places you’ve been
the things you’ve felt
the obstacles you’ve overcome
they may know some stories, but
they don’t know you, love
not really

I don’t want to be a mess anymore,
but I don’t know how.

I am no good for you, babe
I cannot see passed my past
distrust consumes my mind
constant worry flows through my blood
I hate to say he broke me, but
he broke me, babe
I don’t know if I can ever trust again

haunted by a living ghost
a rotten soul who
finds ways to keep dragging me
back down into the pit
dirtied and tired
of all the bullshit
his lies and omissions
have nearly broken me

my babies
my loves
the other halves of my heart
how could you lie
with such a straight face
how could you pretend to play family
with another woman and
my children
MY CHILDREN
I hope karma gives you
what you deserve

your heart will break
you will cry and
mourn and
wonder
what
you could have done
differently

but you will pick yourself up
go on with your days
the hurt will
eventually
fade
your heart will mend