I am fire
if you want something salty and sweet
with no opinion
I am not the woman for you
I spit flames
often.

—Janne Robinson

I ran into a friend unexpectedly on Thursday. We had the best catch-up conversation about mindset, mistakes, and life. Something she mentioned was rewriting the past. Your past doesn’t need to hold you hostage or make you a victim. Change it to make yourself feel secure and safe again. It got me thinking. I have always had a strong personality. I can be controlling and stubborn. I am a giver and have the tendency to lose myself in a relationship. What if I didn’t separate and divorce my ex-husband because he cheated on me? What if I didn’t leave because he obviously didn’t want me anymore? What if, instead, I moved on because I was ready for something else? What if I moved on because he wasn’t what I needed anymore? What if I left not because of the things he did or didn’t do, but because I decided I needed a new life? How does reframing my past affect how I view my present and my future? Instead of feeling “done wrong”, I can look at things in a different perspective.

One thing my friend and I believe strongly is that you can only control your own thoughts and beliefs. You shouldn’t let what others think affect your own beliefs. I have been accused of being like my ex-husband and other cheaters. That is not my truth. This person judged me and tried to shame me. It is not my fault that he assumed something more than what was. There was no implied commitment. It was and always has been casual. Why anybody thinks they have the right to make judgments on someone else’s sexual activity when they are single is beyond me. Ever since my separation, sex has been about fun and pleasure. Sometimes there is an emotional connection, but that is not necessary for me. Not anymore. There is nothing wrong with a woman owning her sexuality. I won’t let anybody else’s moral judgments make me feel bad. I was fucking around two weeks after I was officially separated from my relationship of nearly two decades. I didn’t feel bad about that and I won’t feel bad about this.

I am grateful to have ran into my girlfriend. I feel like the universe knew I needed her. She has been where I have been and her wisdom and understanding is always appreciated.

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