and I need to be redeemed…

I’ve been a bad, bad girl
I’ve been careless with a delicate man
And it’s a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy
Just because she can

Don’t you tell me to deny it
I’ve done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins
I’ve come to you cause I need guidance to be true
And I just don’t know where I can begin

—Criminal by Fiona Apple

My number one go-to karaoke song for years. It has a deeper meaning for me these days. How I managed to create such a fucking disastrous cluster is beyond me. Maybe the universe or God is trying to teach me a very hard lesson. Either way, I am paying attention now and feeling great remorse for the pain I have inflicted on people. I did not intend to hurt anyone, but my truth isn’t their truth. I don’t believe they will see it from my perspective and that’s okay. They don’t need to. All that’s left is for me process the situation and find out what it is I am supposed to learn from this. Obviously, I needed a hard kick in the ass, but I am listening now. Show me, universe, what I need to see.

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