So my mom ghosted me. That’s nice, isn’t it? She had texted me about getting together to see the boys. It took me several days to work up the nerve to respond. I finally told her I was struggling with our relationship. I want her to see me and the boys more, but I can’t pretend like I don’t know about this other life she lives. Unsurprisingly, she never responded. It hurts, but it’s not like I didn’t expect that.

I was looking at her boyfriend’s Facebook page and there was a photo of him, her, and his grandson (who is my oldest’s age). They were wearing matching Christmas jammies. Nick saw me looking at it and told me I had to stop looking. He knows it’s hard, but it’s better if you don’t. He is right. A small part of my wishes my mom could be better, but she’s a narcissist and can’t get over her own self. I can’t do anything to change that. I should try to stop torturing myself by looking at reminders that she chose them over us.

Mother Dearest

Sometimes, when I take selfies, I see my mom, and it kills me a little bit. It’s no secret that my relationship with my mother is very strained. The last time I saw or spoke to her was in June. She makes no real attempt to communicate with me or the boys. Yet, she has time to go on cross-country trips with her boyfriend and his grandson. I made a joke to Nick that she was on a vacation with her replacement grandkid. It just makes me mad and sad. I am grateful that my boys have a real grandma on their other side. I will always be thankful for that and for her. It really is too bad that my mom can’t get over her ego and narcissism. Whatever—her loss, not ours.