Tag: mothers

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What Kind of Mom Are You?

Having such a strained relationship with my mother, I’m always thinking about this sort of thing. I’m a silly mom. I’m an affectionate mom. I’m an open mom. I am also way more connected and way more involved than my mom ever was with me. It always makes me sad.

Mother’s Day came and passed. I didn’t hear from my mom, nor did I try to contact her. My birthday was shorty after Mother’s Day and she did text me. I couldn’t bring myself to write her back though. Why? What’s the point? So we can exchange “pleasantries?” So she can feel better about herself? I don’t want a relationship with someone who hides their life from me. This isn’t a one-way street. You don’t get access to my life while withholding yours.

So, I just try to be the best mom I can to my boys. Sometimes that is a lazy mom. Sometimes that is a fun mom. In any case, my kids know that I am here and always will be here for them.

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Ghosted

So my mom ghosted me. That’s nice, isn’t it? She had texted me about getting together to see the boys. It took me several days to work up the nerve to respond. I finally told her I was struggling with our relationship. I want her to see me and the boys more, but I can’t pretend like I don’t know about this other life she lives. Unsurprisingly, she never responded. It hurts, but it’s not like I didn’t expect that.

I was looking at her boyfriend’s Facebook page and there was a photo of him, her, and his grandson (who is my oldest’s age). They were wearing matching Christmas jammies. Nick saw me looking at it and told me I had to stop looking. He knows it’s hard, but it’s better if you don’t. He is right. A small part of my wishes my mom could be better, but she’s a narcissist and can’t get over her own self. I can’t do anything to change that. I should try to stop torturing myself by looking at reminders that she chose them over us.

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Mother Dearest

Sometimes, when I take selfies, I see my mom, and it kills me a little bit. It’s no secret that my relationship with my mother is very strained. The last time I saw or spoke to her was in June. She makes no real attempt to communicate with me or the boys. Yet, she has time to go on cross-country trips with her boyfriend and his grandson. I made a joke to Nick that she was on a vacation with her replacement grandkid. It just makes me mad and sad. I am grateful that my boys have a real grandma on their other side. I will always be thankful for that and for her. It really is too bad that my mom can’t get over her ego and narcissism. Whatever—her loss, not ours.