Under His Eye

Yesterday, I stepped out of comfort zone and went to a cosplay bar by myself. Nick was working so he couldn’t come with me. I really wanted to show off my Offred/handmaid costume again. I entered the costume contest and although I didn’t win, my costume was a big success. A couple people wanted pictures.

A guy I dated in the past was a regular at this bar and at some point after we dated he became the official photographer. Although this guy was the one who first took me to this place, I had heard of it previously and had already been wanting to check it out.it took a whole glass of a wine cocktail for me to work up the nerve to get my photo taken by him. I knew it was going to be awkward, but it was kind of worse than I thought. Honestly, I don’t blame him for not wanting to say anything at all to me. I am the villain in his story. I know that. I am not sure what I was hoping for. I really just wanted him to be doing well. We were not a great match relationship-wise, but I still want happiness for him. I guess part of me to is sad that every past relationship I have had has ended without any additional contact. Maybe that’s how all relationships go?

This ex told me once that he was not the same guy referring to my ex-husband who cheated on me). Nick recently made a similar statement after I had been emotional about him working and staying on the strip so much. The difference is Nick said right after that he got it though. He understands that it has to be hard with what ex- husband did and my mom too. Two people close to you. I get it, but I wouldn’t do that to you. Just Nick acknowledging that and understanding my past made me feel sane, sate, and loved. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for him.

Tomorrow is our two year anniversary. It hasn’t felt that long at all. Time has flown by. I’m looking forward to another year together. And like forever too….