I am struggling lately with being social. I just want to stay in, wrap myself in a blanket, and snuggle with my dog. Maintaining friendships, making plans, going out—I just don’t have the mental capacity to manage any of that at the moment. Maybe my brain is slightly out of tune again. I don’t know. What I do know is I don’t have the energy for being social. The few times I get to myself, the quiet is so calming. Maybe I am overstimulated. Either way, I need to figure it out.
Camping With Your Ex
Every year, my sister’s family goes on a camping trip with several of friends from out of state. I missed last year’s trip and due to procrastination and poor planning, I found myself last minute wondering how I was going to be able to make this trip happen with the boys. It was on a weekend that wasn’t mine. And the following weekend was my fiancé’s birthday. I ended up asking if my ex would be interested in coming with the boys and doing a double camping trip and he agreed!
It’s amazing how far I have come in the last few years. The pain and heartache I endured during the end of my relationship with my ex was so immense. It was hard to see or imagine what my future held. Had my ex not had his affair, we’d probably still be together. But we were two different people. He was moving into this outdoorsy lifestyle and that is just not me. Because of everything that happened, I found myself in a better relationship. One with someone I can always be myself around. One who is never afraid to talk to me. For that, I wouldn’t change the past, because it brought me to him.
As for the camping trip, it really went great. I could not sleep for the life of me, but the boys had fun. It didn’t feel too weird having their dad there. Though both boys did agree it was a little weird that we were both in the same place together like that. My sister and brother-in-law’s friends were very welcoming and nice to my ex. Maybe he will join us again next year.
What Kind of Mom Are You?
Having such a strained relationship with my mother, I’m always thinking about this sort of thing. I’m a silly mom. I’m an affectionate mom. I’m an open mom. I am also way more connected and way more involved than my mom ever was with me. It always makes me sad.
Mother’s Day came and passed. I didn’t hear from my mom, nor did I try to contact her. My birthday was shorty after Mother’s Day and she did text me. I couldn’t bring myself to write her back though. Why? What’s the point? So we can exchange “pleasantries?” So she can feel better about herself? I don’t want a relationship with someone who hides their life from me. This isn’t a one-way street. You don’t get access to my life while withholding yours.
So, I just try to be the best mom I can to my boys. Sometimes that is a lazy mom. Sometimes that is a fun mom. In any case, my kids know that I am here and always will be here for them.
a girl who writes 