girl, I know that pain
I’ve heard the lies
I’ve seen history rewritten
I’ve felt that heart-pounding
gut-wrenching
moment
when you learn
the person you trusted
the person you loved
threw away 18 years
infidelity
cheating
liar
narcissist
girl, I know that pain
you know that pain
I hope he doesn’t do to you
what he did to me
what yours did to you
My sweet boy is always telling me I am so beautiful and that he loves me. He always compliments pretty dresses and manicures. For class one day he was drawing a picture of me. He drew a big round body and says “because I’m fat.” When I separated from my ex-husband, I lost a good 40 pounds. Then came the pandemic, quarantine, and work from home. I’ve gained over half of the weight I lost back. I’ve been feeling upset about it and worried that my new partner would suddenly find me disgusting. But it occurred to me that my son still kept calling me beautiful even with the extra weight. The words to him weren’t mutually exclusive. Yes, I may be fat at the moment, but it doesn’t mean I’m not pretty, beautiful, or worthy of love.
Your heart was meant to find mine.
Together we will start a new lifetime
in this little house I made a home.
Some days you will feel inadequate.
You will question whether you are good enough.
You will lack confidence.
You will wonder how you are supposed to
raise two little boys into two amazing men.
You will feel the weight pressed on your shoulders.
You will doubt your abilities.
But, know this.
It will pass.
Every mom questions her sanity.
But, you got this.
Momma, you got this.
I trust you.
I support you.
I know you.
I love you.
You told me once you couldn’t read people’s expressions, but you’ve somehow managed to learn mine.
Every quiet moment.
Every loud one.
I want to share them all with you.
When forever becomes a thing again.
I thought about all the ways
things could change when I finally
told you I loved you.
I thought about all the ways
things could change when you finally
met my children.
But, I never once thought about the ways
things could change if
they said they loved you.
I am a powerful woman
and I hide all this insecurity
under my strength.
