slow down

is it fear?
am I afraid?
of
moving forward
moving on
settling

is it lack of trust?
am I worried?
about
moving too fast
letting people down
the past

boldly living a new life
trying new things
but still frightened
terrified
of the pace
of the timing

do you feel it?

a little flame
or a giant explosion
what is the spark
that ignites a connection
and feeds your desire

little victories

what brings you joy?
what makes you proud?
a whole new life
a brand new me
it’s the little victories
that now mean the most

replacing a battery in a smoke detector
changing the air filters in your home
taking out and bringing in the trash bin
hanging up a piece of art
setting up your own wifi

to some they may seem minor
but you know
to do the tasks that were never “yours”
is one of the ways you know
you have have moved on

repeating

all these swirling words
inside my mind
I catch them
and release them
but sometimes they come back
and I write the same things over
and over
and over again
another lesson
I still have not learned
the same issues
just wrapped up
in different packaging

How do you measure a year?

It’s been nearly a year now
10.5 months
45 weeks
317 days
7,608 hours
456,480 minutes
since I found out my marriage was a sham

What have I been doing this whole time?
Have I not been working on myself?
Have I not cried?
Have I not screamed?
Have I not hidden in dark rooms and under blankets?
Have I not found written word again?
Have I not sought help from a therapist?
Have I not continued to raise my children,
and maintained a home,
and worked a fabulous job?
Have I not been doing things I love?
Have I not been experiencing new things?

Why do some still see me as broken?
Because sometimes I have trust issues?
That does not make me a project in need of repair.
I am strong.
I am smart.
I am loving.
I am beautiful.
I am so much more than words can express.
You may not see what I see
or feel what I feel,
but hear me:

I am doing just fine.

you are all you need

I am done

these men who
love bomb you with affection
use you to get their dick wet
take advantage of your trust and betray

all these fucking men who
lead you on
piss you off
try to break you down

what they don’t know
what they can’t see
is your strength

you are all you need