fake men

I will not chase you or anyone else. You will not use me. I see right through your two-faced bullshit. Quit pretending to be someone and something else.

it’s hard to silence 18 years

I still get mad sometimes. The one-sided conversations (you remember, the ones you said were attacks) pop up in my mind and get me raging all over again. Just because I’m upset, it doesn’t mean I want you back. I don’t need you or miss you, but I still grieve. I mourn for the life I’d made up in head. I mourn for the man who doesn’t exist. Sometimes I still want things that aren’t real.

history

I may not be yours
anymore
and you might not
be mine
but I still feel comfort
in holding your hand
sometimes
and laughing with you
and drinking with you
and talking with you
maybe it’s not what I imagined it to be
but you and me
the things you showed me
and taught me
the way you brought the smile
and the light
back into my life
you are and always will be
part of me

more words about you

I told you to leave
because I knew
I deserved better than
what you did to me
what you were doing to me

it hurt when you walked away
and I realized
you were not as upset as me
you could never be as upset as me

I wonder what pieces of me
you took with you
when you left

parts of my heart
now left with all these deep holes
most of my trust
all of my innocence
and hope

good thing though
you can grow back most of those things

I am gold

I will see my value
I will not allow
anyone
to make me feel anything less than
my worth
because I am gold
I am diamonds
I am everything
and so much more